Four Years

This was four years ago:

this is now:

We have been here in Calgary four years.  I can't believe it.  We may look a bit different, but I know we have only gotten better and stronger as a family.  Who knows what we will look like four years from now.

parlez vous francais

Since My sister Robin was invited me to tag along on her tulip adventure I told her I would take her to a different world...I took her to Montreal :-)  Montreal is the largest and the founding city of Quebec.  This is French Canada.  This province had a beautiful and rich French history and traditions.  The people have successfully fought to keep it intact and "distinct" from the rest of the country.  We walked the city...with joy most of the time.  I forgot how much my feet do not like cobblestone.  Here is a city that had money and you can see it in the architecture and in the churches.  I stopped counting the cathedrals and cathedral style churches once we got to 30.  Without a doubt, the Notre Dame Basilica has earned its place in history and in the hearts of all those of Montreal.

Neo-gothic English on the outside...French on the inside

Maisonneuve fulfilling his covenant to God and raising a cross on Mont Real

Jacques Cartier founding the first colony in North America...later to be Montreal  (1535)

This is a beautiful church.  The design and craftsmanship is superb. Details are intricate.  It definitely is a place that makes you feel small and imprints the greatness of God.  Touring this building with a faithful French catholic man who worship Mass in Notre Dame also helped me to appreciate the rich legacy of faith that the early LDS pioneers left to their families and communities. The Salt Lake Temple is a rough contemporary of Notre Dame.  Both building are pinnacles of achievement and skill and beauty.  One of them is designed for men to be seen of men talking of God.  The other is constructed by man to be used by God in uniting all of mankind.  Many precious and exquisite parts in that building were created to be seen primarily by God's eye.  Blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the earth. Blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God.

a momentary escape

So this explains pretty much how myself and my childhood family work.  It was decided that my sister and I need a break.  An momentary escape from everyday life.  And somehow, I was able to orchestrate a vacation.  For me. No hubby or kiddos.  Just two sisters.  Did we go crazy and fly to Rio for a week of dancing? Or jet off to Amsterdam for chocolate or Vienna for music or Australia for Australian awesomeness? Nope...we went and saw TULIPS.  Thousands of them at the annual Tulip Festival held in Ottawa.  Actually, it was a great trip.

This one is named Generations in celebration of Canada's 150 years

Yes, we did see other things as well.  Even fabulous flowers can't fill an entire trip.  We played find the gargoyles (and friends) at Parliament Hill...

we cheered on the rowing races that were happening in the historic Rideau canal...

And we made sure this Phoenician  got her fill of that exotic Canadian cultural culinary staple: poutine !

hi again

Hello again.  It has been awhile. We are still here.  And while that may not seem like much, it is.  The last 16 months have been difficult for the entire family, but especially for me.  Lets just call it a winter season.  I am hopeful that since we can see the light again, that spring is around the corner.
Accordingly, a lot has occurred. We bought a home in the south of Calgary.  It fits us well and is comfortable.  Bryant and I have been working the last few months every weekend painting the entire house. What a difference a change in color can make! The boys went back to homeschooling.  The last school year ended on a really sour note for most of them and they decided that they wanted to learn at home again.  Some days have been great...others, not so much.  However, we are learning, me most of all.  Bryant is busier than ever.  Calgary has been hit very hard with tons of job loses.  His job is not tied to oil, so no worries there, but it is very hard to see so many struggling in this rough environment.

The kids are growing like crazy.  Healthy and strong and strong willed and very opinionated. 

Haircut day

newest little one- Bellatrix

Enjoying not being a part of haircut day

I have been wrestling a lot.  Physically with my health, mentally with storms of depression, and spiritually.  One of the things I have been wrestling with is pride.  Pride vs humility seemed black and white so long ago.  Can "too much" humility be a bad thing? Is there such a thing as "righteous pride?" Can one have "righteous pride" in himself?  Where does self confidence and a strong, good self image place on this humility/pride scale? I don't know; maybe I'll never know.   But I am looking, searching, striving for an answer.  Maybe that's all I need to do. Anyway, I know that there are times when we question ourselves.  For me, the trick is to stay positive it that self reflection. At times it is so hard. Can you trust yourself? Can you trust someone else? Who? Who are they? Who am I?
This video touched me.   Maybe it will touch you as well.
http://www.mormonchannel.org/watch/series/mormon-messages/daughters-of-god

I was sitting in a class two weeks ago and the instructor shared this incredible picture taken in 1990.

the pale blue spot

This picture was taken from Voyager as it left the boundaries of our Solar System. The beautiful, wonderful majesty of this planet Earth is nothing more than a plae blue dot...a fuzzy pixel. Carl Sagan said :“From this distant vantage point, the Earth might not seem of particular interest. But for us, it's different. Consider again that dot. That's here, that's home, that's us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every "superstar," every "supreme leader," every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there – on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam."

The instructor then posed an interesting question: Do we need to know of our insignifigance, our nothingness, before we can comprehend and be stewards of our greatness?  Maybe this is what King Benjamin was teaching in Mosiah Chapter 4. Or maybe what Moses felt and understood as he was shown all of the Creator's labors and was wondered.  Maybe humility is recognizing the divinity within us, in a respectful manner, and using that power in an uplifting way? Maybe pride is when your vision becomes clouded or distorted then the divinity of others or yourself is no longer respected nor accurately used.

Lots of heavy stuff.  Sometimes it is quite weighing.  What do you think?  With what things are you wrestling?

Looking back to go Forward

Its that time of year again. I like New Years.  I like buying a new calendar and seeing an entire year laid out before me, full of opportunities and potential. This moment is exciting and fun and helps me feel a bit more optimistic than normal.  Looking at the old calendar is a bit of a mixed bag of emotions. It like remembering the fun days, the planned trips or events, the happy surprizes. Then there are the days that I would like to forget, the weeks that were long and dark, those times that were scary or down right depressing.  But that is life- the sweet with the sour. The older I get, the more I was acknowledge the wisdom in this order. So this is my retrospective.  Looking back to enable moving forward.  One of my personal goals is to be more optimistic at the same time as being honest.  I still struggle, but here goes:

Last January I was still recovering from my experience of going septic following a lithotripsy treatment for very large kidney stones. I had surgery at the end of January, again in May and again in October.  The majority of people who experience renal stones are males over the age of 45. I beat those odds.  Most people, if they experience a stone, only have the privilege once in their life.  I have had more than a dozen.  Kidney stones are generally passable on their own.  Again, I beat the odds. Large stones are considered to be 3-4 mm in diameter, similar to the picture.  My stones were generally around the 2-3 centimeter size. With stones that large, there are only three options. 1- live with extreme pain and very limited mobility  2- died from said horrible pain   3- surgically remove them.  I guess you know which option I selected. More than likely I have stones again.  Doctors are stumped.  I know this is not a severe medical condition, but it has been trying.  Learning to navigate a foreign medical system has been frustrating.  Not having answers, or doctors interested in finding answers has been very stressful.  Pain... well pain can teach many lessons.  Realizing that the fear of additional pain is jading your life is very disheartening. The kids have learned a lot about sickness and hospitals and death in the last two years.  While in some ways I am sadden to have that type of darkness entire their world, I have seen how it has blessed them.  They are more concerned to the well being of those around them,  We are more grateful for the incredible benefits of modern medicine. They are compassionate when they become aware of those in pain. Most importantly, I know they are bit by bit developing a knowledge that Christ's atonement helps us when we are suffering with pain of any type and that because of that great gift, death is not victorious.  It is just temporary. So far there are no answer to what adventures may be awaiting my kidneys, but I am sure there are more lessons to be learned.

There are four seasons here in Calgary. Well, five, if you count the month of pure mud that is June. Most of our lives, Bryant and I have lived in place that only had two seasons.  Hot and not hot, warm and sweltering, nice and not so nice.  We really appreciate  the differences, the changes, the ability to plan and wait and anticipate.  It has been good for the family as well.  The seasons make you seize the day, because it doesn't last forever. Seasons remind you that some one else is in control- the weather play a big part in our daily activities and plans. Cycles and rhythms are felt and understood, little explaining is needed.  Our life seasons seem to follow the same eternal pattern.  Our kids keep growing and changing.  We can't keep them the same...or speed them up to a more "enjoyable" stage of life. Some days and weeks are really good.  They are full of light and growth, enjoyment and true joy.  And other days. Well, maybe because of my attitude and weaknesses, those days are dark and heavy, long and never ending.  Sometimes they feel smothering and energy stealing and downright gloomy.  But slowly and surely the days keep on rolling past and it gets better.  The sun returns.

Our kiddos are growing like weeds.  I feel like pants and shoes last 4 months if we are lucky, and then they are too small.  And half the time when I look at the older three, I swear I can see the teenager inside trying their hardest to burst out! Here are some shots from the last month compared to about a year ago.  

 



There is a great story about brotherly love here...

 

 

 

 



 What else has been great this year?  What else I have learned, or experienced or made a great impact on my manner of thinking and our direction as a family?  We were honored and privileged to witness the marriage and sealing of a fabulous young couple.  Bryant and I have known the groom since I was pregnant with Seth. Without a doubt, for us, he is a great example of how the gospel of Jesus Christ can elevate and enrich a person. We are so happy for him and his lovely bride as they begin their journey through eternity together.

 

 The following week, our Jeffrey made a covenant of his own.  He was baptized! Our entire family is so very pleased with the decision that he has made and the efforts he daily puts forth. He is a young man, who while not perfect and still very young, is trying to follow the teachings and examples of his Savior. There is no wonder in my mind why on that chilly afternoon there were so many damp eyes.

As you already know, reverence is a work in progress

Jeffrey's school teacher came! And was very touched by our program

Brother Doig is the cubbie master.  He and his wife are here, awaiting their first child.  It was the baby's due date :-)

Trent and Amber came with their one week old daughter.

Grandma Andrus was here of course.  And she was willing to come, even though that meant no sandals :-)

Grandpa Andrus came for hugs... and Tim Horton doughnuts :-P

Robin always helps in the smile department

Canada has been good to us.  We picked up a set of Canadian Grandparents, Cyd and Gwen Gyug

I don't know who was happier that day

All these wonderful events really has put the concept and importance of covenants in the fore front of my mind. The idea that a person can tie themselves to God, that a couple can bind their marriage, and any children they may have, to the Lord is incredible. I have felt that power that only comes through making and keeping sacred covenants.  That holy tie, that eternal bond, does not diminish our agency or ability to choose and act for ourselves. It does speak to our hearts at times, it provides strengthen when there is none left and can, if we allow, bring us back to a more correct path.  I know with our any doubts that it is because of covenants that my family is still standing. Our family makes more mistakes than we should.  There are so many ways we need to improve.  But we will get there.  Eventually. If we are bonded, sealed to the Savior and to God, I think our odds are pretty good.

is that a face only a wife could love? I sure do!



So was this a good year or a bad one? Neither.  It was a year in which we moved forward.  Perhaps not at the speed that we would prefer, perhaps in a  "one step forward, two steps back" manner, but still progress has been made.  Why should we measure in miles when only inches are required? Looking back has helped me feel optimistic instead of trepidatious about the future.  I hope you can feel that way as well.  Happy New Year!